Stop Being a Vibe: Start Being a Man

There’s a certain type of guy walking around right now that’s all… vibe.

You know the one.

He’s got five tattoos, four of which don’t mean anything.

He drinks espresso martinis but calls them “a ritual.”

He has a therapist, but only quotes her when he’s trying to win an argument.

He curates a life.

But he doesn't build one.

He’s not a bad guy.

He just thinks having “energy” is the same thing as having integrity.

Hear me out: It’s not.

We are in the golden era of performative self-awareness.

Dudes are getting away with being emotionally useless as long as they dress it up with enough lingo and lighting.

They post about intentional living, but haven’t responded to a message from their mom in three weeks.

They know their birth chart. They know their attachment style.

They do everything except take actual responsibility.

Listen, I respect a man with taste. But don’t let the vibe become a disguise.

Having incense and mood lighting doesn’t make you grounded.

Playing SZA while you fold laundry doesn’t make you emotionally intelligent.

Being quiet doesn’t make you mysterious.

Sometimes you’re just inconsistent, and smell like sandalwood.

Aesthetic isn’t a personality.

Minimalism isn’t masculinity.

And protecting your peace isn’t an excuse to disappear every time someone wants more from you than just good lighting and a sad playlist.

You are not an enigma. You’re just unavailable with good branding.

Real masculinity isn’t a look. It’s a presence.

It’s not in the fit. It’s in the follow-through.

It’s in the hard conversations you don’t want to have but choose to.

It’s in showing up when it’s inconvenient.

It’s in holding yourself to a standard, even when nobody’s watching.

The women who fall for the vibe? They grow out of it.

Fast.

That Tumblr-boyfriend energy might get you the first date.

It might get you soft-launched on her story, even.

But it won’t keep you in her life.

At some point, she’ll realise your love language is vagueness.

And there are only so many times she can pretend to be impressed by a guy who journals but never apologises.

So this is the call-out.

Not to stop dressing well, or burning your candles, or taking care of your space.

We love that.

But if the exterior is all you’re working on…

If the vibe is sharp but your communication is dull,

If the playlist slaps but your honesty sucks,

If the lighting is soft but your character is blurry.

Then you’re not a man.

You’re an aesthetic.

Nobody wants to build a future with a mood board.

Start being clear. Start being consistent. Start being accountable.

Start being the version of yourself that doesn’t just “feel right”, but acts right.

The vibe will follow.

But the man has to come first.

By Ajani Brathwaite