Liking, Following, and Fumbling: The Rules of Social Media for Men

Social media used to be simple. You saw a picture, you liked it. You followed who you wanted. You posted what you felt like posting. Now? A single like can get you labeled as thirsty. Following the wrong person can spark a whole conversation you didn’t even know you signed up for. The rules have changed, and if you don’t know how to move, you might find yourself fumbling without even realizing it.

I’m not here to tell you to police yourself or treat Instagram like a job interview,  I’m only highlighting awareness. Social media is part of your personal brand whether you like it or not & while you don’t have to care, you should at least understand how you’re being perceived. Let’s get into it.

1. What Does "Thirsty" Even Mean Anymore?

Apparently, liking a picture is a crime now. Double-tapping used to be the most basic act on social media aside from scrolling, but somewhere along the way, it became a signal of intent. It is funny because Instagram literally exists for engagement, yet liking the wrong picture at the wrong time can get you labeled as thirsty.

I’ve been called thirsty just for doing what the app was built for. I like a lot of content. Travel, animals, and ass. I should have put ass first, because if you looked at my Reels tab, the algorithm has me deep in that category and Instagram makes sure everyone knows it. Your followers can see the Reels you have liked. They still have to click your bubble to check, but if they’re curious, it’s all right there.

2. The Unspoken Politics of Following, Liking, and Engaging

Who you follow matters, even if you don’t think it does. A woman brought up the fact that I mostly follow women. She had seen a TikTok trend where women ask “he’s a ten, but he follows random girls on IG, what is he?” That’s how I ended up in a conversation about my own following list.

Personally, I don’t really follow men I don’t know or I’m not a fan of what they do. If I follow a woman, it is usually because I find her attractive or she has a lifestyle I find aspirational. That’s how I prefer my feed. But perception is reality, and to some women, a man following too many IG baddies gives off unserious energy. Does it really matter? That depends on who you’re asking.

If you’re out here following every woman with a BBL and commenting fire emojis under random posts, women will notice. If your name keeps popping up in the likes under a certain type of picture, people will notice. If your entire explore page is the IG model starter pack, Instagram is snitching on you.

Then, there is the issue of not following back. Some people treat a follow like a contract. I had a woman confront me in the DMs over why I didn’t follow her back… during our first conversation. She hit me with a "Why u didn’t follow me?" mid-chat, like I owed her a response. I jokingly said I needed to make sure she wasn’t just a really well-curated AI-generated page first & she did not find that funny. Instead, I got hit with, "So u telling me u don’t know how social media works? How old r u? Yeah no sorry that’s a big red flag u hiding something I’m good."

Red flag? Over a follow button? I asked if she was serious, and she doubled down. According to her, I had two choices, I was either stuck up, or I wasn’t single. That’s how deep social media politics run. 

3. Why Women Analyze Men’s Social Media Presence

Social media is an extension of real life. The same way you wouldn’t wanna look wild in person, you shouldn’t want to look wild online. Women analyze men’s social media because it tells them things without them having to ask. The same way men look at a woman’s Instagram to get a sense of her personality, women do the same.

If your posts are all over the place, you look inconsistent. If you never post at all, you might look like a ghost. If you’re too active in the wrong ways, you look thirsty. It’s a balance.

This doesn’t mean you have to curate some perfect aesthetic, but it does mean that what you engage with says something about you. Your IG is a highlight reel of how you present yourself. Even if you don’t care, just know that someone else does.

4. How to Curate Your Social Media Presence Without Overthinking

Keep it aspirational, intentional, and effortless. Your social media presence should feel like an extension of who you are, not a forced attempt to look cool.

Be intentional with who you follow. You don’t have to unfollow people just to impress someone, but if your feed looks like you are deep in IG model world, it might be time to diversify.

Post with purpose. You don’t need to post every week, but when you do, make it something worth sharing. Travel, a fit that goes crazy, a moment that actually matters, etc..

Engage smartly. You don’t have to like everything you see. You also don’t have to ignore things just to prove a point. Move with balance.

HEAR ME OUT! This is a Guide, Not a Rulebook

At the end of the day, some men don’t care how their social media looks and that’s fine. 

But if you do, this is how to move smart. 

Social media is a tool. It can work for you, or it can work against you. The choice is yours.

Written by Ajani Brathwaite