It’s Not That Serious: Emotional Maturity, Accountability, and Knowing When to Let Go

There’s a quote from Mecc Rashawn, journalist, hip-hop taste-maker, and brand consultant, that stuck with me. He said he lives his life by something simple his father told him:

"If you didn’t violate somebody’s kids, violate somebody’s wife, send somebody to jail, or take somebody’s life, it’s not that serious."

Read that again.

Because today, when everything feels like a slight, a disrespect, a reason to spiral, this quote is more important than ever.

Emotional maturity is knowing that not every loss is an attack. Not every relationship that ends is a betrayal. Not every L you take requires you to burn the city down.

We have a generation of men who are sitting with bruised egos and unprocessed hurt, moving like every heartbreak gives them a license to act reckless. It doesn’t. Accountability is understanding that you can be hurt and still be responsible for how you respond.

Women are also very capable of moving spiteful after a relationship, but this article isn’t about them.

Let's talk about the traits we need to leave behind:

1. The "Crazy" Man He can’t control his emotions. He explodes over minor disagreements. He thinks love looks like chaos. He confuses intensity for intimacy. If you are dealing with this type of man, leave. You aren’t responsible for soothing a storm he refuses to calm within himself.

2. The "Toxic" Man He guilt-trips. He gaslights. He plays the victim while causing the damage. He loves to see you unsure, questioning your worth. If you’re this man, it’s time to ask yourself: who actually benefits from your chaos? Because eventually, nobody does.

3. The Man Who Cannot Let Go He turns endings into war zones. Breakups aren’t clean for him, they’re arenas for blame, bitterness, and petty revenge. Knowing when to let go is one of the strongest forms of masculinity you can show. It takes strength to walk away without burning the bridge behind you.

If you’re a man reading this, hear me clearly: it’s okay to feel hurt. It’s okay to mourn something that didn’t work out. What isn’t okay is weaponizing that pain against other people. Growth looks like sitting with it, healing it, and moving forward without leaving a trail of destruction.

Abuse of any kind—physical, emotional, mental—is intolerable. There’s no excuse at our big ages. None. If you’re stalking her, threatening her, breaking into her home, damaging her vehicle or property, you’re not proving you love her. You’re proving you’re insecure and dangerous. You’re showing everyone that you’re a man who needs control, not connection.

Also: never, NEVER, write or call her new man. 

Are you dumb? You're losing it, my boy. Tighten up.

I once had a great date with a woman in NYC. Great chemistry, great energy. She invited me back to her place for a nightcap. We were on her couch, she changed into something more comfortable, we were laughing, vibing, smoking hookah. Everything felt natural.

Then, her phone buzzes. Her ex. Texting her, saying he "saw us" walking into her building. She ended up giving me a bit of backstory about him, and their relationship wasn’t a positive one. Killed the whole vibe. Hating-ass behavior. I'm not a tough guy, I have no beef with anybody, but I personally believe there’s a reason he saw us and decided to text instead of pop out. He’s only tough with women. He’s a pigeon forreal..

If you’re a man who knows your homeboy, your cousin, your brother is moving like that and you say nothing? You’re complicit. Silence makes you just as guilty. If you’re really a man, you hold the people around you accountable too.

There’s no flex in terrorizing a woman who doesn’t want you. There’s no strength in threatening someone’s peace because your ego is bruised. If you’re feeling insecure, go find your tribe with the other men who hate women. Tune into Fresh & Fit, or wherever that nonsense thrives. But leave the women alone. You don’t deserve them.

If you’re a woman reading this, remember: emotional maturity is not something you can teach a man who refuses to learn it himself. If you see the signs, the instability, the volatility, the lack of accountability, believe it the first time. You cannot fix someone who is committed to being broken.

HEAR ME OUT:

The next time you find yourself about to react out of ego, out of pride, or out of unhealed pain, remember Mecc’s father’s words:

"If you didn’t violate somebody’s kids, violate somebody’s wife, send somebody to jail, or take somebody’s life, it’s not that serious."

Let it go. Move like a man who has bigger things waiting for him.

Written by Ajani Brathwaite